The Role of Family
A College Sophomore Reflects on Old Family Traditions

by Corey Pham

Every year the Pham family holds a huge family reunion. When I was younger, my grandfather and all six of his brothers and sisters would attend with their families. I had eight aunts and uncles on my grandpa’s side alone, and they had at least two children each.

My grandpa, the eldest son, and my dad, the eldest child, would perform a ceremony by honoring our ancestors with offerings for watching over and protecting the family. My great uncle would then give a speech for two hours about what my great grandpa had to do and sacrifice to escape Vietnam and get his family to the United States after the Communists took over the south. He would then discuss the importance of family structure, tradition, and other things of that nature.

Despite the fact that I attended this event every year since I could remember, I never understood every word he said. He spoke entirely in Vietnamese which was a problem for me. I was not so proficient in Vietnamese. As an impatient kid with a short attention span, I became more excited about what food they’d have afterwards than learning about family and tradition.

The language barrier wasn’t the only problem. I knew very little about the Vietnamese people, the Vietnam War, or any of my family’s hardships. I felt like an outcast and very distant from my roots. As I grew older, I was compelled to learn more about my family, my family’s tradition, and who I am.

In the summer of 2004, I embarked on a journey all over Vietnam for knowledge in a country where my ancestors laughed and celebrated, shed sweat, tears, and blood. My family always told me that I had it great in America, and it never meant so much until I saw life in modern day Vietnam. I remember the warm, thick, polluted air and the overcrowded and undersized streets filled with bikes and motorcycles. Lush green tropical trees were everywhere providing shade. But there was little time to sit around and simply relax.

Everyone was always on the go because they had to work so hard for so little. People everywhere tried to sell me everything I could think of: books, clothing, lighters, sun glasses, fruits, anything they could carry on their shoulders to make ends meet.

I can still hear the occasional laughter of fortunate children who spent their afternoons chasing one another or kicking a ball. But I saw children, as young as four years old, begging and tugging at my shirt trying to sell me cheap toys and it made me reflect. I thought of my entire family when they lived in Vietnam—the poverty they faced and the effort they put out to help their families survive.

I understand that the values of the Vietnamese people are different. Very commonly, they gave up education and pursuing their personal dreams in order to work and provide for their loved ones. That is why they seem to cherish everything they have, which is often very little. This is especially true with family and opportunity.

Why does it all matter? My entire family is the backbone of my life. I embody all of them through their love and support in every decision I have made. Tradition is not eating a turkey every year. Tradition is imparting wisdom and values to the next generation, my future children. Our ancestors wanted us to cherish and take advantage of the freedom, education, and easier life that has been given to us.

My uncle’s lecturing all makes sense now. In such a diverse society, I now stand alongside my grandpa and my dad in the ceremony in formal costume. I thank my ancestors everyday and preserve everything I can about our ethnic background.

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Corey Pham will be a sophomore majoring in Biology at UC Davis this fall. This short essay is his personal statement that accompanied his college application. He was accepted to all UC schools that he applied for but chose UC Davis to stay close to home.