Ms. Understanding [p.2]

Dear Ms. Understanding,
I’m 21 and my fiance is 25. He’s still young but because he fought in the war in Iraq, sometimes it feels like he’s an old man. Before he went, he was so optimistic and happy and we were so in love that he proposed, and of course I said yes. But after he’s been back, he’s changed. He doesn’t talk to me and just goes out all night and won’t tell me where he’s been. He doesn’t even bring up the fact that we’re engaged and hasn’t even gone to buy me a ring like he promised. I love him and we’re engaged now so I really feel like I want to stay in this and help him, and work for us. How do I get him to commit to what he promised or at least get me a ring as a first step? Lost

Dear Lost,
You remind me of a puppy my family once had when I was a little girl. Oh, how I loved her. She was brown, clumsy and tiny with incongruous bear-sized paws. She was a stray we attempted to rescue until her midnight whimpers alerted the adults to her house underneath our bed. The next day, our uncle drove her to where we initially found her and abandoned her. To this day, I will never forget how she ran after our car, barking and crying, “Why are you doing this when you promised to take care of me! Don’t do this, take me with you!”

Like me when I was 7, your “fiance” wasn’t ready for the commitment he made. For whatever reasons, he can no longer honor his offer to marry you. Instead, he’s emotionally and mentally extricated himself from your relationship without having the testosterone to tell you: he’s already abandoned you.

And even if he were to purchase a ring for you now, it would be nothing more than a trinket of residual guilt he harbors for even broaching the topic of marriage with you. Don’t do this to yourself or to him, Lost. Marriage is tough enough without having to be guilt-tripped into one.

Instead, go buy yourself a ring and let that symbolize the commitment you make to yourself to never settle for anyone who doesn’t absolutely worship you.

Dear Ms. Understanding,
I’ll keep it simple: do you believe in soul mates? Because I think you’re mine. Idealist

Dear Idealist,
Take a number, Idealist, take a number...

Yes, I believe in soul mates. I believe there is no logic or formula to them. I believe you’ll meet a handful of people in your life who will qualify for this esteemed title. They won’t necessarily be your BFF—although they could be. Rather, they will serve a vital purpose during their tenure, and they will inspire you to see things just a little differently. At times you won’t even know they’ve left an imprint until much later, when you’ve had a chance to reminisce after they, or you, have moved on. After all, life isn’t static so why should they be?

The soul mates in my life have taken the form of my senior year English teacher, my 4-year-old nephew, a former lover who taught me the meaning of devotion during the five years that followed after the demise of our two-year relationship, and my Fiance. And as blessed as I’ve been to know them, I know there will be others who will continue to challenge, irritate, comfort, teach and inspire me. We’re all a little bit lucky like that.