by Ms. Understanding

Dear Ms. Understanding,
This might be too political, but I just want to get it out of my system.

I recently went to a Viet community (event) and hung out with my friends. I wore a T-shirt that I made with the American flag on one end, fused with a Vietnamese flag (red with a yellow star) on the other end. It was my statement of this so-called free country. Well I got a few of the Viet elderly coming up to me and asking me why I'm supporting Vietnamese communism. That really boiled my blood-it's just that they (all of the older Viet Kieu in the U.S.) make a big deal about what's going on in Viet Nam and they don't care about what's going on in the U.S.-the country that they're living in. I know the hardship that they endured to come to the U.S. but that does not mean that it gives them the right to pass their hatred onto us younger people. They tried so hard to make VN a non-communist regime while the U.S. is turning into a communist country right in front of their faces. That is ignorant. My friends always say that I should respect where my elders came from and what they went through, and I do, don't get me wrong, but they need to respect my opinion too. What I'm trying to say is that respect me and I'll respect you, if you don't then I don't give a rat's ass who you are or what age you are. Thanks again for taking your time to read this.
Politically Incorrect

Dear PI,
Ms. Understanding applauds your passion and zeal for the gift of democracy because you believe in the sanctity of our freedom of speech. It is rare and uplifting when someone of youth recognizes that the freedoms he exercises came at a price. Bravo.

That said, your fervor needs to be balanced with some practicality. Would you wear an I-Heart-Allah T-shirt to an anti-terrorism rally days after the September 11th attack? Would you preach the virtues of our constitutional right to bear arms at a funeral of a student who'd been killed by a gun-toting classmate? Of course you wouldn't, because you recognize that there is a time and a place for voicing your opinion and you are sensitive to the deep-rooted feelings of those who may not be ready for your truth.

I believe it is safe to say that most of the Viet Nam-born first generation do not now, nor will they ever, recognize the communist flag as the official flag of Viet Nam because that red banner is a painful reminder of the country they lost and the spilled blood of the family, friends and memories they'll never see again. You chose to make a statement at a place where you knew it would elicit a very palpable response. So if you feel the right to express your opinion, then you have to prepare yourself for your elders' right to respond, no matter how derisive or mean such reactions will undoubtedly be.

But remember, even if your assertions are correct about the state of communism in America and the hypocritical nature of us Viet Kieu, your message will be lost if your delivery is tainted with provocation and antagonism. After all, there's a reason why you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. It's a delicate cocktail to achieve but I trust that you're a smart boy, you'll come up with something.

Dear Ms. Understanding,
Five years ago, I met a man who meant the world to me. "Mike" was my patient and also my ideal: a handsome, successful Vietnamese engineer who was also charming, generous and funny. We became instant friends and it came to a point where I couldn't hide my feelings anymore and told him that I wanted us to be more than friends. Even though I knew my feelings wouldn't be reciprocated, I felt like I had to take that risk because he was soooo worth the gamble. His response was so kind and nice that it broke my heart. Things weren't the same after that and eventually we grew apart. He resurfaced last year and we've been solid, best friends since then. He just got engaged and invited me to his upcoming wedding. The thing is, I'm still in love with him and it'll absolutely kill me to go. But I know how important this is to him. What should I do?????
Just a Friend